Death.

I used to be so afraid of death. What is it like to be dying and what is the aftermath of death? Where would we go after death? The holding place where the jewish believe or straight up to heaven? What is it like to stand in front of our God and looking through what we have done in our life - the good, the bad and the ugly?

I had this “nightmare” since I was 5 and it would crept me the whole entire week. I was afraid of death even till now just the thought of it. Everything will come to an end. The chapters of your life on earth ends.

That morning, my grandaunt ended her beautiful story on earth. I began to imagine my own in the future and embrace the truth that one day we will ended the way my aunt did. The more I imagine it, the more calm I am.

11’

Woah, that was pretty long ago. Update, Jake is out everyday. See him, everyday. Apparently, he wasn’t in the crazy training unit but in MEDIA TEAM! Good for him actually. Good portfolio, more exposure to industry people, can see him everyday! At least after NS, he will get a better opportunity. And guess what gave him that? Prawn. Long story. And I’m so proud of him! :)

I got a new job! At MOJO! Sounds cool. Left the previous company on a bad term but I THANK GOD for opportunity, especially this company. Looking forward for this great year. 

Love

Reading back at Jake Jake’s post, I felt a sudden warmness and love from him again. He’s only been inside for 5 days but its already too long for me. I secretly pray that the next 10 days will be faster for both of us! Really can’t wait to see my silly man. I think his sincerity, love, patience moved this confuse heart of mine. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, Jake Nam. 

I had a bad dream about him one night and that changed me. I dreamt that I receive a phone call from his mom that he had an attack in camp and couldn’t pull through. He left us. I couldn’t eat, sleep and cried the entire month. I woke up, crying. How much I want to tell him, how much I appreciate him, how much I love him… If he leaves without knowing all these, I am just a loser in this relationship.

The week that he got enlisted, we had a tough time. We cried, we laughed, we hugged more, kissed more, less angry. I cried myself to sleep for that whole entire week! Each morning, I could only wish that there’s one more day for us to spend time together. Until the day when he had to stay at the parade square while friends and family had to leave, I know that, that is the last time I’m going to see him before the 15 long faithful days are up. He gave me with so much sadness in his eyes. I saved the tears till I reached home. The next few days without him are weird and empty. 

I love my Jake. Be safe and strong. 

Church | Jake | Job

I think I’m going to blog as much as I can today as I haven’t blog a single post since donkey years. Let’s start from church. As many know, church is going through some investigation regarding the finance. Frankly, I was neutral until I heard negative and false news regarding Pastor and his family. This strikes me. Pastor divorced with his wife? Its the most ridiculous remark ever made. As a member of this church, I see the love knot they have for each other, that never breaks. This is too absurd for any to believe. So reporters, editors out there, I do know I have no rights to say and if you want to comment anything about the church, go ahead but please, don’t bring false report to the media. It brings bad name to yourself at the end of the day when you see Pastor and his wife still loving, holding on to each other till they grow old. Regarding the finance part, go ahead and try to find fault in them. Because I believe in the spirit of excellence in the leadership that even they are thrown into the “dan of lions”, they will emerge strong and innocent. 

I totally went speechless when they said such harsh news regarding this matter but I won’t make the matter worse by debating about it. There’s nothing much we can do, fight with them? It will be worse than ever. Please. Let God do the defend for us. I read in John Bevere’s book once, he wanted to defend himself for the thing he did not commit but God stops him. Things got worse. But one day, when God reveal the truth to the other party, everything went well. The relationship with him and the other party reconcile too. I believe in God’s timing. So let it be but support with much prayer and fasting. I love the House of God. :)

Today, is the official 4th since Jake got enlisted. It’s quite tough in the beginning, especially doing things that we usually do but now, he’s not around. At night we can only talk for less than 15minutes while usually we can talk up to 3 hours? Huge difference ah? :X I think so too. I can imagine the tough life there, doing all the drills, running, exercises, shouting, lectures… *blah blah blah* But I also looking forward to see what kind of person he would become at the end of the 2 years. Many said army will make them hot-tempered and impatient. I believe in Jake. I believe that he is not one of the majority but remain this meek and patient. This is something I love about him. Never throw temper unreasonably. Always giving. Meek. Jake, you will do well there! :D

Yes, I’m still jobless. SAD. Yesterday I prayed with my sister, God reminded me of one of the services I went during Asia Conference. Its Dr. Cho, “4th dimension” sermon. I began to visualise, believe and confess that it will come to pass! :) I’m so excited now because I can’t wait to see it come to pass!! Love You, Lord! 

I don’t like to blog here anymore! :(

Vain; vexed

I’ve been really vain these few days, all thanks to the-staying-at-home-and-look-for-things-to do kind of thing. Yes. Real vain. Starting to like all the facial products, make up and mask. Jake must be crossing his fingers hoping that I will not go too far cos he still prefers the plain me, which I agree at times! :) Hah. It’s seriously a very expensive investment. Jobless now. 

Okay, I’m still not up to the ultimate stage like my pretty friend, Chelsea. :) Cos its really a lot of reading, researching and experience. And I can’t read more than 10pages of heavy words a day without a single picture or the typo is so tiny and unreadable. It kills me almost immediately. So I got to learn from her, verbally! HAH! But I’m really excited about make up cos I see as an art and that got to link with my fashion desire. Can’t wait to make a costume or something with this pair of hands that God gave. :) I told my mom that she gave birth to 3 kids with brains in their hands and she laughed. 

Have been really troubled where to go, what to do lately. I can’t even peacefully find a job as I not sure if the job is flexible enough for me to take up night classes. After that comes the financial and time (age). So its really tough choice. Guess that’s what it is most likely to happen after 20yrs old, especially my birthday is the beginning of the year, so the time seems tighter now! 

Please please help me in this! 

I WANT LONG HAIR

Just research about hair growth cos my hair is growing really slow this time! After half a year’s of short hair, its still the same! I’m so desperate for it to grow but this time, I’ll highlight/dye it, have slight curls too. Crap! I seriously hate it when my right side of the hair curls out! OH anyway, check this out!

Secrets to instant long hair

1. Drink recommended daily amount of water(No caffine, carbonated drinks. Green tea and water is advisable)

2. Brisk walk daily (Experts have discovered that walking at a quick pace for just 15 minutes will help to raise your normal heart rate which improves circulation to your entire body, including to your scalp and hair follicles.  It also helps shake out the cobwebs and aids in a feeling of alertness and energy.

3. Eliminate or cut back on smoking, caffeine and carbonated sodas which weaken the body and block maximum hair growing potential

4. Eat a healthy diet.  Avoid foods that are high in sugar or fat.

5. Treat your hair like a piece of fine old lace.  Treat it carefully avoiding any unnecessary brushing, combing or handling.

6. Avoid use of hot water, hot blow dryers or other hair care tools that may stress the hair.

7. Have regular trims to eliminate split ends and allow the hair to look and feel healthier.

8. Get plenty of rest and sleep to allow your body to grow hair.

COOL right? Now I know why my hair ultra slow this time, cause I’ve been doing at least 80% of it! Alrights, wait for my long flowy hair at the end of the year!